we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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