Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
