I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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