I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
