She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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