Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
