she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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