what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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