Do you still have your period?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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