i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
