How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
