For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
