my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There r osticjed everywhere
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
