I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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