I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
