Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
