He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
