I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
