People in love make me want to vomit
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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