I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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