Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
