I wish I could teleport
We got so high we made milksteak
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
