So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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