For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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