when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
