If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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