Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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