idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
