He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
