I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
