i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
