Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
