Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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