Your face is a jimmy john
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
