you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
