If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
