Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we're making bets on your personal life
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
