All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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