This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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