Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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