Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
