I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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