I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Randomize
