You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
