The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
