with your own penis?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
