dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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