Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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