I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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