Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
