on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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