dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
