Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
