What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
